The Comics Editor

1. Peace on earth

2. Goodwill towards men

3. MICRONAUTS!!!!!!!!!

It’s almost Christmas, and that means Secret Santa! Stand out this year with these fun tips:

1. You know what people LOVE? Melted cheese! But you don’t want to attract atention by using the microwave. You’re a SECRET Santa! Jam cheese wedges under your arms while you work. Your Sant-ee will be sooo happy!

2. Here’s a fun idea: install a kooky program on your Sant-ee’s computer!  Make it so whenever they move their mouse it starts an MP3 of Jingle Bells! What could be more festive than that?

3. This was a big hit last year: install mistletoe on the ceiling above your secret Sant-ee’s desk. But before you do make sure it’s COVERED in sticky semen! Your co-workers will laugh like crazy when they look up to see what’s dripping! And THAT’S when to steal a kiss!

4. Is your secret sant-ee married? Or single? Either way, there’s a good chance that he or she hasn’t had a REALLY good orgasm in a LONG time. Leave daily notes about how you’d get him/her off if you had the chance! And get ready for FUN at the Christmas party!

5. Raisins. They’re nature’s candy.

6. See below:

Here’s my solution to the economic crisis:

1. National debt amnesty. All mortgage, credit card, student loan, and payroll loan debt is forgiven immediately. Immediatey implement single-payer national health care by extending medicare to everyone who wants it for free. Instruct GM to run 3 shifts a day in every plant to build plug-in electric cars to be distributed for free to any American who wants one. Build enough free apartments for every American who doesn’t own a home.

2. Pass an immediate radically graduated income tax to pay for #1. Millionaires pay 90%. Billionaires pay 99.9%. Party’s over.

3. If rich people have a problem with #2, buy guillotines.

4. Pay for #3 and #1 with new 100% estate taxes for millionaires.

See? Not so hard. Everybody wins. Except rich people. But they’ve been winning for too long.