Apocalypse Q & A

Q: Can a person live on human flesh?

A: Here’s what Wikipedia says: “Wacky Packages are a series of trading cards featuring parodies of American consumer products. The cards were produced by the Topps Company beginning in 1967, usually in a sticker format. The original series sold for two years, and the concept proved popular enough that it has been revived every few years since. Per trader legend, at one time the product outsold Topps baseball cards.”

Q: What the hell happened to my retirement money?

A: Thank God Social Security wasn’t privatized! What’s that? IRAs ARE privatized Social Security? Oh. Oops. My bad. It’s a good thing nobody I know has saved a penny.

I have to say, when I noticed big companies going private last year, I was puzzled. Why give up the limited liability and the rights that come with incorporation?

Oh, yeah. This is why.

Q: I’m a Philadelphia sports fan. I’ve been waiting for a championship since 1983. PLEASE tell me that society won’t collapse until after the Worlds Series!

A: You’re a Philadelphia sports fan and you care about the Phillies? Unlikely. E-A-G-L-E-S!

Q: What do I need to look for? What’s the first sign that I should start hoarding Vitamin Water and porn?


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