I was a marxist kindergartener

Spread it around. Mmm, just like that.

Why does God hate Philadelphia?

Do you think it’s because the name of Philly is somehow blasphemous? How can you have a city entirely devoted to philos? Brotherly love doesn’t leave much room for eros, does it? And agape…maybe Philly fans just can’t love their teams unconditionally. Or their God. Perhaps that expalins all the booing.

It was cruel enough to let them win 3 of the first 4 games. But that rain postponement…ouch.

I’m sorry Phillies fans. But hey, at least Westbrook is healthy. E-A-G-L-E-S!

Jim Davis gets it. Or does he?

Clearly, Jim Davis has been looking around the internet. He knows that his own publisher is putting out a book of Garfield Minus Garfield. He’s seen the more radical Garfield edits.

Now he’s doing his own. My God, it’s something to see. He’s doing EXACTLY what I’m doing.

Suicide Cookie Alert

I gotta admit: there was nothing I could do for Garfield today. I think Jim Davis has finally completely lost it.

Live Free or Die

I hear McCain has given up on winning New Hampshire. I grew up in New Hampshire. As recently as 2002 the Democratic party looked like it was on its last legs here.

Oh, how times change.

Secret Muslim Funnies

I sure wish Obama was really a socialist. Sigh.

Touch me, I’m sick.

Apocalypse Q & A

Q: Can a person live on human flesh?

A: Here’s what Wikipedia says: “Wacky Packages are a series of trading cards featuring parodies of American consumer products. The cards were produced by the Topps Company beginning in 1967, usually in a sticker format. The original series sold for two years, and the concept proved popular enough that it has been revived every few years since. Per trader legend, at one time the product outsold Topps baseball cards.”

Q: What the hell happened to my retirement money?

A: Thank God Social Security wasn’t privatized! What’s that? IRAs ARE privatized Social Security? Oh. Oops. My bad. It’s a good thing nobody I know has saved a penny.

I have to say, when I noticed big companies going private last year, I was puzzled. Why give up the limited liability and the rights that come with incorporation?

Oh, yeah. This is why.

Q: I’m a Philadelphia sports fan. I’ve been waiting for a championship since 1983. PLEASE tell me that society won’t collapse until after the Worlds Series!

A: You’re a Philadelphia sports fan and you care about the Phillies? Unlikely. E-A-G-L-E-S!

Q: What do I need to look for? What’s the first sign that I should start hoarding Vitamin Water and porn?


What will the new America look like?

It’s pretty obvious that we’re heading for a revolution in the next few months. But what will the new revolutionary government look like? I have a few guesses.

1-The most likely series of events is President Bush declaring himself emporer as American soldiers keep freedom fighters at bay. I see McCain as Brutus in this scenario. I truly believe he’d try to save the republic, even though his “country first” would have been a great slogan for Hitler.

Sadly, I’m guessing the republic wouldn’t last long in this scenario. America’s Augustus will be Sarah Palin. Don’t you think? It really will be a lot like the America we have now. But with less abortions, more hunting, and concentration camps for liberals. No hippies, at least.

2- Less likely would be a true communist takeover. I picture a junta led by Bernie Sanders, and featuring various NGO heads. Bernie would nationalize the banks and heavy industry, and round up rich people for re-education. Within weeks, fear and misery would be utterly destroyed. All Americans would have a good, interesting job. And it would mean something.

I’m rooting hard for this one.

3- The last scenario imagines that the state is simply smashed, and we’re left with an utter vacuum. Imagine Ron Paul and his crazy followers storming the capital and “liberating” everyone. They’d burn down the capitol and remove all trappings of government. This is sort of a worst case scenario. Nast, brutish, and short.

But hey, at least you’d feel ALIVE for a while!

And now: comics.