Chemtrails Rule

Dear electricity,

First of all, it’s obvious that I have upset you. You have made that fact abundantly clear. At first, when I was having computer problems last week, I assumed the issue was bad ol’ Windows Vista. When I spent like two hours starting and restarting my computer, only to realize that I had left a disc in the drive? Ouch. I really thought this was a Microsoft problem. I should have noticed you. I’m sorry.

Then there was the issue with the GPS. Yes, I dropped it. Twice. But I should have noticed you. Again, I’m truly sorry. I have to admit that I DO take you for granted sometimes. Yes, I know, a hundred years ago you were unheard of in this part of the country. I understand all of that.

But what have I done to make you this upset?

Last night I could have been killed when you kept cutting out on the highway. I thank you for allowing me to get to the gas station before frying my ignition coil completley. You had my attention then. You really did.

Was it necessary to then cut out the earpiece on my iphone so I couldn’t answer when Graham called? An then to hide the power cord to my laptop in Vermont so I had to find another way to upload garf1 today?

Was all of that necessary?

I get it. There’s a problem. Just let me know what’s wrong. We can work this out. I’m hurting now, too. Honestly.


Cum stains?

Try tonic water. Still? Try seltzer. Then Peanut butter. Then sugarless gum (apply, freeze, repeat). If all this doesn’t get the stain out, ADD MORE CUM.

PS-This is my new favorite band. And I haven’t even heard them yet.

Auld Lang Garf

Don’t call it a comeback!

NRA? Where are you? Plax needs you.

Like a shot in the leg

Better late than never

I had a very minor car accident last night. I was too tired to garf this morning. But it’s ready now.

Catholic Guilt

Live Free or Die

I hear McCain has given up on winning New Hampshire. I grew up in New Hampshire. As recently as 2002 the Democratic party looked like it was on its last legs here.

Oh, how times change.